Dear friends,

I don’t know if you noticed, but I haven’t sent an update for a week. And yes, that’s because I’ve been confused, chasing so many lost dreams.

Being part of the musical production of Beauty and the Beast has brought up so much in me.

Rehearsing with people of all ages, especially the younger ones, has made me fall into grief over the years I feel I’ve lost. I keep wondering what I might have become if I had started earlier.

It’s a question no one can ever answer.

I’ve found myself chasing the dream of being on stage, while also thinking that everyone else seems to have started so much earlier and is already so much better than me.

If you know that feeling, please say something to me. Don’t let me feel as though I’m all alone in this.

Perhaps the hardest part is getting caught up in someone else’s dream while still clinging to an old dream of your own.

Do I want to sing, dance, act or write?

Choosing one thing sometimes feels like having to leave everything else behind. And that’s the painful part.

But being in this place of confusion has also given me a chance to grieve the dream I once had and perhaps finally let go of it.

The dream of being on stage, singing, performing and acting.

It doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy doing those things anymore. It doesn’t mean I have to walk away from theatre. It simply means I want to stop pressuring myself to become something, or to be great at it.

And strangely, by letting go of that pressure, my current dream has become clearer.

I love creating stories, music and videos.

I’ve been pouring all my frustration into a song, What Was I Made For?, and experimenting with new tools in Higgsfield. It’s been great fun!

I also created another music video combining Claude and Higgsfield. I even managed to edit parts of the video by asking Claude to work with CapCut.

It’s about my adult self going back to rescue my inner child from the school that taught her to become a good girl.

Yes, that’s me. I grew up in a Catholic girls’ school where I was taught to be nice, well-behaved and a good girl.

I sometimes think about how that little girl was shaped by all those expectations, and how that invisible cage stayed with me for years to come.

So I made a music video about going back for her to give her the rescue she never had.

And I have to say, seeing this story come to life through music and video feels incredibly powerful.

That ability is crazy!

I know I can’t go back in time and recover the years I’ve lost. But in this imaginative world, made possible by AI, I can travel back to any time and create almost anything, as far as my imagination can take me.

I can explore the stories I never got to live, create the music I want to hear, and bring images to life that once existed only in my head.

And somehow, that makes the world feel much bigger again.

Maybe I haven’t figured out every dream I ever had. But lately, I feel my path becoming clearer.

Love,
Lalita Janette ❤️

“Little town, it’s a quiet village. Every day, like the one before…”

The very famous line from Belle’s song in Beauty and the Beast has been the theme of my life for the past several years.

But guys, I have to tell you something.

Something has started to shift. I can feel it.

This week, life moved in a way that made me feel as though this little country, Cyprus, had finally started to answer my wishes.

And let me tell you, I know exactly why.

For a long time, searching for belonging and adapting myself to fit in have been recurring themes in my life.

But recently, I’ve become more aware of what I’ve been doing, and I’m trying to stop.

I’ve withdrawn from activities I joined simply to occupy myself, because I didn’t want to feel too lonely. I’m allowing myself not to be part of anything for a while.

And in that quiet space, something interesting has happened.

I can hear myself better. I can see where my interests are taking me, rather than constantly searching for somewhere to fit in.

And somehow, life seems to be opening a door.

I’m so excited and nervous to tell you that I’m taking part in a musical theatre production of Beauty and the Beast here in Cyprus!

Now you know why I started this newsletter with that song.

This is by far the most exciting thing that’s happened since I moved to Cyprus.

This little town, which sometimes feels as though it has nothing to stimulate my creative mind, has finally given me something to look forward to.

What role will I play?

Honestly, I don’t know. And I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high.

I’m a beginner in every area: acting, dancing, and singing.

But secretly, I wish I could be Belle.

Because in so many ways, I feel that I am her.

I connect with her story so deeply that I sometimes cry when I listen to her songs.

A girl who feels out of place. Who doesn’t belong. Who is misunderstood and considered odd.

A girl who grows up without her mother, immerses herself in stories, and dreams of a bigger life.

Sometimes I wonder, Is this really a coincidence?

It almost feels too familiar to be one.

I’m allowing myself to dream about playing Belle, even though I have no idea whether it will happen.

But by the end of the day, I’m already grateful to be part of this production, no matter what role I get to play.

For once, I have something in front of me that genuinely excites me. Something I want to explore, learn, and experience for myself.

A little update on last week

I started sharing my old creations on YouTube every day.

I’ve also put together a mini-series called If I Could Be Anything, taken from Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn.

It’s a part of the story I love so much.

Lalita, the young, shy girl who longs to be loved, reflects me perfectly as a creator who longs to be seen.

There are so many layers of metaphor in this story, and the more I look at it, the more I recognise myself in it.

You can watch the series here:

⁠Watch If I Could Be Anything on YouTube

Despite telling myself not to expect anything, guys, it hasn’t been easy.

There’s been a lot of resistance and doubt, even though I know this isn’t about making everything perfect. It’s about allowing my work to exist in the world.

How hard can it be to let every version of myself exist?

Apparently, pretty hard.

But I keep pushing through, and there’s still more to come.

And guess what?

I’ve gained nine new subscribers!

That’s something I didn’t expect at all.

I’ve also received a few negative comments. And God, this might sound sarcastic, but I’m actually happy. So happy to see them.

When you’ve spent so long longing to be seen and to connect with people, even an argument can sound sweeter than silence.

At least something I created has reached someone.

At least it’s out there, living its own life in the world.

And then there’s Snow White

I haven’t updated you guys about the little white street cat who appeared out of nowhere at our home.

Well, she’s still here.

Look at her day 1

And I think we can officially call her our cat now.

Her name is Snow White.

She has shown me so much trust, and she’s absolutely adorable. There’s barely a trace of the frightened street cat she once was.

She loves being indoors and sticks to my side wherever I go.

Looking her now!

Watching her transform has made me think about how much can change when we feel safe enough to let our guard down.

How the things that once frightened us don’t necessarily have to define the rest of our lives.

How our history doesn’t have to dictate our future.

And I find myself thinking about all the things I’ve been through, all the versions of myself I’ve been.

Maybe we can learn to trust again, discover new parts of ourselves, and become something we couldn’t have imagined before.

Where we are right now isn’t our final destination.

Don’t underestimate yourself.

You have so much more in you than you can see right now.

And perhaps, like Belle in her little town, you haven’t yet discovered just how big your world can become.

Love,
Lalita Janette ❤️

Hi guys!

Another week has passed, and I hope you’re all doing well.

As I work on editing and reorganising the script of Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn, I’ve been going through my old creations.

And there’s a kind of grief in discovering all the music and videos I’ve created but never shared with anyone.

I find myself standing at the line of hesitation, wondering whether I should share them at all.

The AI video world has moved so fast that some of my old work now feels irrelevant. And I regret not sharing it earlier, when it was new to me.

This confusion has been sitting on my chest for some time now.

I’ve tried to brush it off, telling myself, Hey, not everything needs to be shown. Let’s just move on.

But somehow, it never lets me go.

So, you know what?

It needs a space. It wants to be seen.

Even if it isn’t perfect. Even if it might look a little ridiculous compared to what AI can do today.

So, starting this week, I’m going to sort through those old creations and share them with you guys.

Let’s start with the very first video I created, more than a year ago.

Watch it, and you’ll see how far I’ve come.

My past self would be shocked to see where that first little step has led me.

It was a rather simple video: just a series of images, inconsistent characters, music, and subtitles.

But I still love it.

And now, it finally gets to be seen.

There are many more to come, and I’ll continue sharing them on YouTube—so come find me there, too!

Love,
Lalita Janette

There are things I have to learn the hard way when it comes to creating content for social media—especially how sensitive the algorithm can be to certain words.

My novel used to be called Good Girl Cry, Bad Girl Moan.

When paired with a woman in a sexy red dress, I faced resistance from the system.

How did I know?

A short that would usually get around 2,000 views suddenly dropped to 2 views.

I changed my novel to Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn.

And recently, I developed one scene called Rebellion List.

It’s a scene where Lalita undo her Good Girl syndrome.

Gosh.

I could not generate the AI video, and I was like, What’s wrong?

My guess is this word, Rebellion.

I felt really unfairly treated.

Because I created a story about a woman breaking out of the Good Girl persona—and now I’m watching myself negotiate with a system that keeps asking me to make the work more acceptable.

And somehow, it feels like I keep being asked to make myself smaller, softer, safer, more “good.”

I saw so much provocative porn and violence on social media, and my content is far from that.

I may be messy.
I may be bold.
I may say something
you don’t want to hold.

But if I have to soften every word until nobody feels anything
What is left to say?

I know there are reasons for these systems. But seriously… look at what else is out there. And you’re worried about my woman in a red dress?

Even though I know it’s not personal, it’s hard not to feel sorry for myself. I understand why the system is designed that way, to protect the innocent.

And damn, there are a lot of skilled creators who put their energy into creating those things.

I know it’s not about me.

So I keep moving my ass.

Anyway, I have to edit the script.

So I’ll let you guys hear the original—the one that won’t be able to be released elsewhere.

Now I have to come up with something else.

Maybe Good Girl Therapy.

I hope that doesn’t trigger the system into thinking I’m talking about mental health.

Gosh…

See how society tries to shape us all into the Good Girl persona by controlling everything?

Give me a break.

Love you

Lalita Janette

Week 11 • September 26, 2026

I tried to make my story serve too many people.

I wanted it to work as a novel, with the words standing alone.

I wanted it to work as audio alone.

And I wanted it to work as a video script.

The same problem of pleasing everyone.

I tried too hard, and I’m exhausted.

Finally, I came to the realization that I have to choose who I am talking to:

The one who is reading. The one who is listening. Or the one who is watching.

I can’t keep carrying all of them around.

And after sitting with it, I decided that I would not position my story as a novel, but as a full cinematic musical experience.

Which means the script is no longer written like a traditional novel.

It will focus more on the visual form.

And you know what?

This is really scary.

To let go of the idea of who I am and embrace a new identity.

But I’ve already stepped my feet inside it.

I’ve seen how my characters move and sing, and I can’t drop them.

They are so alive.

And fun.

As this new direction emerged, I had a hard time letting go of what I had already created—work that hasn’t even seen the world yet.

So I decided to share the evolution of how I create and let those earlier versions become part of the story too.

For today, I’d like to share the newest version with you.

Thank you for watching me grow.

And if you have any thoughts, I’d really love to hear them. Just reply to this email.

I’d be very grateful.

With Love

Lalita Janette

Dear friends,

I did it again.

Last week, I cut my novel, Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn, in half. This week, I restructured the whole story.

It’s by far the most challenging thing I’ve done with it. It feels like performing surgery on my own baby: cutting it into pieces, moving them around, stitching everything back together, and praying that by the end it will be okay.

No.

Not just okay.

Really fabulous.

Here’s what changed. The story used to move in a straight line, from the good girl slowly becoming the bad girl. Now it opens with the bad version of Lalita, bold and confident, then flashes back to the innocent version, the good girl she once was, then comes back to the bad version again. From there the story goes back and forth between the two.

It all started after I watched The Odyssey. Christopher Nolan tells Odysseus’s journey home in a complex, intense way, leaping from one scene to the next, one timeline to another.

Nothing is linear.

But I didn’t watch the movie and suddenly decide to change my story. That night I had a terrible headache on top of a sore throat. I spent the night feeling like I wanted to hit my head against the wall.

My mind kept recirculating scenes from the movie, even though I was trying not to think about them.

I was sure it had nothing to do with my story. It was just sickness and a three-hour movie.

But a few days later, when I finally felt well enough to sit in front of my computer and open the story again, something had changed. Somewhere in that headache, a new pathway had opened in my mind, and it started pulling the story in a new direction. The fearful voice was still there, saying,

“You are going to make it worse.”

But I couldn’t help following the new idea in my head.

Boom.

I did it anyway.

There’s still more to do, and honestly, I’m not sure how it will end.

But yeah.

This is the road of no return.

I’m going to keep going until my story find its end just like Odysseus’s journey coming back home.

Tell me if you’ve ever done something like that.

And please pray for me too.

With love,

Lalita Janette

I cut Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn in half. I never thought that was possible.

When you have written every word and spent time connecting to them, to kill your baby is the hard thing.

I don’t know if it is coincidence, or the effect of being in Dubai — fast-paced and so energetically vibrant — or about the story I’m about to share. At first it felt unrelated to my creation. It isn’t.

Dubai became a space to process an unfinished story of the past I didn’t know I was still carrying.

I didn’t realize that growing up I carried a fear when people look at me — as if they think I don’t belong, or that I can’t afford this place. It comes from childhood, from fear around money, from going anxious in rooms that feel out of reach.

When I was young I was suspected once of stealing something from a mall. I didn’t. They searched my body and found nothing. I left with shame, and with a belief I didn’t know I was carrying.

Only when that look was not on people’s faces here did I see it. It was never my fault. When a place cannot offer basic security, people watch for a thief before they see a person. A girl who looks like she wants something gets treated as the thief. Here, people are not walking around deciding who might steal. So the look was not there — and I could finally tell their fear from my shame.

I let out a big cry and let my little young girl release that it was never her fault.

In doing so, I let go of the fear of being misunderstood, and the need to explain myself that had also shown up, unconsciously, in Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn.

That’s how what looked unrelated to my creation became another source of it.

Until next time

Lalita Janette

Dear friends,

This week, I’m writing to you from Dubai. My husband and I are here to attend a conference.

This is my first time experiencing Dubai in the summer.

Wow.

The heat here is huge—like I’m carrying the whole atmosphere on my shoulders.

But surprisingly, I don’t mind being here at all.

We’re staying in a nice hotel, and everything is much better value in the summer. Honestly, it’s a really good place to be if you want some space, settle down, and focus on getting things done.

This city is fascinating. Not gonna lie.

I’ve been wondering whether I could live here, and whether I would actually like it.

The answer is still unknown.

But I’m enjoying being here.

Now, let’s come back to Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn.

I still had a few ads I wanted to test—the format I was curious to see whether it would work.

But I hadn’t felt enthusiastic about posting them or running them.

Deep down, I knew why.

I already wanted to upgrade all the visuals.

The only thing holding me back was that I couldn’t quite let go of what I had already created.

Speaking of letting go, arriving in Dubai reminded me of myself a year ago.

My husband and I stopped here for a month before heading to Cyprus.

Back then, I was hoping and longing for Cyprus to bring back the feeling I used to have in Koh Phangan.

I wanted to be embraced by that same feeling of womanhood and belonging I had experienced there.

But it didn’t happen.

And because it didn’t happen, I learned something I couldn’t have learned any other way.

I learned to become a home for myself.

So coming back to Dubai now, with a completely different feeling inside me, gave me a strange appreciation for the journey I’ve been through—and for the person I have become.

The huge grief of that old longing came through me one final time.

And then came the realization:

There is no going back.

I don’t need to keep lingering there, searching for the same feeling in a different place.

The road ahead is about creating a new one.

A new way.

A new path.

A new feeling.

I can create where I’m going next.

And somehow, that realization gave me the courage to let go of the old version of Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn too.

A new script.

New music.

New visuals.

And, God…

It looks so good.

I’m so pleased with it that this huge rush of excitement and possibility came over me again.

I actually had to stop and breathe.

Something in me opened up.

I think I’ve crossed a line.

I’m no longer trying to produce videos quickly and in quantity.

I want to create better quality work.

And I know something now.

Once I know I can make something work, the hours it takes to produce something good—or even the cost—doesn’t matter as much anymore.

Because now I can see the possibility.

The possibility that I can keep creating something better.

The possibility that I can make beautiful things.

The possibility that I can have anything in the world.

And that feeling is enormous.

So enormous that I had to sit still and breathe for a moment, just to let my body catch up with it.

Here are some snapshots for you guys.

And hold on…

The best is yet to come.

Love,
Lalita Janette

Week 7 • August 28, 2026

Let’s begin this week with a progression in the story Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn.

I wrote a scene where Lalita and Gavin exchanged a kiss under the full moon.

It was literally a full-moon night when I wrote this.

I also created a little video scene for it, paired with the music from the story.

In the story, Lalita was never quite sure whether Gavin felt the same way she did. She wondered if what she was feeling was hers alone.

Until he kissed her.

And suddenly, she knew.

I wasn’t dreaming. I wasn’t alone. You felt the same thing I thought was mine alone.

He didn’t need to promise forever. He didn’t need to stay.

He only had to kiss her and take her doubt away.

And somehow, this week felt a little like that for me in my creative journey.

Honestly, when I sat down to write this newsletter, I felt like I had nothing to share with you.

I felt as if I hadn’t moved forward at all, but had somehow gone back to zero again.

Well, I know that wasn’t true.

But I couldn’t help it. I still struggle to see how far I’ve come and how much I’ve actually done—just like Lalita in the story, who was never quite sure of herself.

But for me, it wasn’t really a kiss from a man.

It was a number.

A statistic that opened my eyes to reality—and possibility.

So, let’s continue where we left off last week with the ad experiment.

As I said, I put on a simple ad—basically the beginning of my story—expecting the engagement to be quite low.

But I didn’t see it coming that it would be that low.

Here’s the result.

11K views, but a dramatically low number of people actually came to the page—only 147 visits.

That means only 1.3% of the people who saw the ad visited my website.

To put that into perspective, my previous ads reached 27.4K views and brought 1,628 people to my website—5.9%.

That’s quite a difference.

And strangely enough, I didn’t feel sad.

I finally knew:

This format isn’t working.

Working again is still better than working without direction.

This experiment has given me a guideline and a way forward. Knowing what doesn’t work is still better than knowing nothing.

So now I’m starting again.

Same story, different format—the format that is closer to my previous ad.

I just realized how powerful that last ad actually was.

I thought it was simply because I paid for visibility.

But no.

The content itself made a huge difference.

And now I think I’d rather invest in upleveling the way I tell the story than simply paying more money to drive visibility.

Which means…

A lot of redoing the work.

I edited the script and made the story move faster.

I redid all the music and narration with a more consistent voice.

And the next step is to explore how I can create better visuals.

Hmm.

Writing this down is making me realize that I’ve actually done quite a lot.

So, back to where I began.

I said I felt like I was back at the start.

I knew that wasn’t true.

I’m actually getting closer to understanding what works.

My mind tried to trick me again.

And yes, I fell for it.

But I always get back up.

And oh yeah…

The cat. 🐈

She is much more confident now and has started to show her personality:

Sweet.

Fun.

Independent.

And somehow, she has become even more beautiful.

And yes, there is still hope and progress for both of us.

Cheer for now.

See you next week.

Love,
Lalita Janette

Hi, friends.

Since last week, I’ve been testing Instagram ads with a very unclear direction.
The only thing I know for sure is that the ads work.

They do send people to my website, where my story, Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn, is sitting there waiting to be explored.

But somehow, it still hasn’t been discovered—or enjoyed—by anyone yet.

Not gonna pretend it didn’t hurt.
My mind knows there is a lot of trial, testing, and error involved in this process.
But my emotions didn’t quite catch up.
So I went into a black hole of self-doubt.
I started doubting my story.
I’ve been in this black hole before. There were times when it felt as if I would never find my way out.

But I did.
I got through it.
And now I’m ready to put it through another test.

One thing I’ve noticed is that the black-hole period is getting shorter.
It used to take me three or four months to recover from a disappointment like this.

Then weeks.
Now, it took only a few days.

Somehow, I’m beginning to understand that walking the journey of a solopreneur isn’t only about the product you’re building. It’s also about building the muscle to recover from each hope and disappointment. And I am definitely a different person from three days ago.

I’m ready to change, adapt, and give this story another chance to thrive.
So, let’s take a look at what I’m going to do—and what I’ll continue testing this week.

A new experiment

I’m adopting a new approach to my ads.

Instead of focusing on making them super fast-paced and highly engaging, I want to show the story more directly.

My guess is that when people are stimulated by a fast-paced ad and then suddenly arrive at something much slower, there might be a mismatch.

A friend of mine who is an expert in Meta ads—and has sold many products online with great success—told me something a long time ago:

If your ad is too good or too entertaining, you can end up spending a lot of money on people who aren’t actually interested in your product. They watched because the ad entertained them.

That idea actually contradicts quite a lot of what I believe.
But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.

Perhaps a simpler ad will attract fewer people—but the people who stop might actually care about the story.

Secondly, I’m going to explore more ways to showcase the story itself and keep testing.

I learned the hard way that I spent too long developing this story without testing it with the world.

That makes it harder to let go.

But at the same time, I know those long years of isolating myself with my work were necessary for me.

I needed to let the idea take root inside me.

And before I even know whether it will work out or not, this story has already taken such deep root that giving up feels almost impossible.

So, yeah.

That’s my journey this week, guys.

And what about my shoulder?

Oh, how my painful shoulder is going…
Yeah, it’s still with me.
But I’m getting better at accepting it, and somehow it seems to protest a little less when I stop fighting it.

And have I told you?

I got a cat.
Well…
Not our cat yet.
She just came walking into our garden.

A pure white cat.

I had never seen a white cat since moving to Cyprus nine months ago, so seeing her was quite a surprise.

She was extremely fearful.
The moment she saw me, she ran to the other end of the garden.
But we stayed there, at a distance, just witnessing each other.

I sang her a little song.
Just to comfort her.=
Something along the lines of:

You are safe.
You are loved.
You don’t have to be all alone.

And somehow, she softened.
She came a little closer.
She ate.
She relaxed.
She even let me touch her.

She has been here for four nights now—eating, resting, and slowly becoming more comfortable, although she is still very careful.

And somehow…

she feels like a little mirror of my own journey.

Scared.
A little alone.
But still hold on to hope

That is for now, this week! See you next time

Love

Lalita Janette

My dear,
Another update from me

This week is marketing week.
My ads are running, and so is my mood.

Oh God… I want to escape this journey and call it quits. Honestly, imagine the emotional roller coaster this has put me through.
Especially when the ads land in front of people who don’t like them.

People who hate the use of AI.
People who have strong opinions about what I’m doing.
And suddenly, all those opinions are sitting there, looking back at me.

At first, my instinct was to delete those comments and let them disappear, just as my dad always taught me in his Zen Buddhist way.

But then something in me said:
No.
This is exactly the moment I need to stand by myself.
Not as a softer, more polite version of myself who makes sure everyone is comfortable.
Not as someone who needs everyone to agree with me.
But as the woman who created this work.
The woman who believes in it.
The woman who is willing to let it exist in the world.

So I decided to create another piece of art, another AI video, in response, and pair it with the caption:

I am here to stay.

You are free not to like it.
You are free to disagree with me.
You are free to have your opinion but it doesn’t get to take me out of my game.

And that realization felt surprisingly empowering.
Because perhaps this is another part of putting my work into the world that I didn’t fully understand before.

It’s not only about learning how to market.

It’s learning how to remain myself while being seen.
To hear criticism without immediately questioning everything I believe.
To let someone dislike what I created without deciding that I must have done something wrong.
To keep going even when the world doesn’t immediately say yes, while a faint echo of my dad’s voice whispers in the back of my mind: “Come back.”

So yes, I am still figuring this out.
Some days I want to run away.
Some days I feel completely overwhelmed.

But I’m here.
I’m standing by myself.
I’m standing by my work.
I’m standing by what I believe.
And this time, I’m not walking away from myself.

Chill, chill.
Hold on to your opinion.
I’m ready to fight.
No—not the fight you think.
The fight in my marketing game.

So let me share with you a closer look at how my ads are performing.
Let’s look at the overview first.

My aim is simple: I want people to visit my website and, eventually, discover the free Explorer episode.

Here is the website result so far, up until today, August 14.
I’ve had a total of 1,266 visits.

Surprisingly, most of them came from Facebook, even though I was mainly focusing on Instagram.

That made me think that perhaps I need to rethink where I’m putting my focus.

Here is where people are checking in from.
It’s no surprise that Cyprus is number one, since I’m actually only targeting Cyprus at the moment. I live here, so I wanted to start where I am.

There are also quite a lot of views from Indonesia. That one was my mistake. I accidentally clicked the wrong setting on one of the ads.

Oh, my bad!

The overall result came from two main videos.
The first one was the video I put up and ran first.

I spent around $30 on it and got about 15K views, with 747 visits (From Cyprus) to my landing page.
But so far, no one has entered the free Explorer episode.

My first thought was: perhaps the landing page isn’t impactful enough yet.
But I don’t want to jump to that conclusion too quickly.

Then I created a second video and started testing different settings.
For this one, I tried two different approaches.

The first sent people directly to the chapter 1.
It got around 10K views, 427 website visits (From Indonesia), and cost only about $6.

The second approach used a mix of different actions (from Cyprus).
That one performed much worse when it came to sending people to my website. It got around 6K views but almost no additional website visits.

So clearly, I wouldn’t continue with the mixed-actions approach.

Overall, I still need more information.
I also need to learn how to plan my ad testing better.

This is my first week doing this. Some of the parameters weren’t fixed consistently between the different tests, which means the results aren’t truly comparable yet.

And strangely enough, looking at all of this has done something much more important than giving me marketing data.

It calmed my panicked mind.
A few days ago, my mind was saying:

“It’s not working.”
“It’s a failure.”
“Maybe the whole idea doesn’t work.”

But now I can look at the numbers and say:

No.

We are working on it.
We have data.
We have evidence.
We have things to learn.
We have things to test.

And that feels very different from reacting to an emotional trigger or an old piece of programming or one random comment on the internet.

Maybe this is also part of learning to put my work into the world.
Not every uncomfortable feeling is a sign that I should stop.
Sometimes, I just need to take a breath, look at the evidence, and keep going.

And before I go…

Thank you for being here and witnessing this journey with me.
I know I’m sharing a lot of things that are still unfinished.

The novel is out in the world, but I’m still learning how to let it find its readers.
The marketing is running, but I’m still figuring out what works.

Some days I feel confident.
Some days I completely lose my mind.
And perhaps that is exactly what I want this little space to be.
Not a place where I come back every week with everything figured out.
But a place where I can tell you what is actually happening.

The beautiful parts.
The messy parts.
The things that work.
The things that don’t.

And what I learn somewhere in between.

Thank you for reading.
Thank you for witnessing.

And if you’re still here next week, I’ll have another story to tell.

Until then,

I’m going to keep making the work, keep learning the game, and keep coming back to myself.

Love,

Lalita Janette

I’m starting to love this routine and have begun to internalize what I want to share with you each week.

Unfortunately, the pain in my shoulder is still very present and continues to bother me. It has brought unconscious thoughts and old patterns to the surface.

I spent years fearing them, but I realized soon after that many of those thoughts weren’t really mine. They were stories my parents told me to protect me or make me behave.

“The gecko will eat your liver if you cry,” for example.

However, that very voice has continued to play a role in my life.

In an attempt to reprogram my inner dialogue, I wrote myself a letter.

Instead of listening to fear, I began collecting evidence from the past several months.

Every promise I kept.

Every fear I faced.

Every small step forward.

Every moment I didn’t give up.

Evidence that my fearful mind often forgets.

Holy crap.

I didn’t know I’d done that much.

And now, granted, I’m only able to see it because this evidence is lying right in front of me.

So here we go.

I wanted to share it with you, my precious readers, and I hope it reminds you how great you are…

Because you really are.

Love,

Lalita Janette

This Full moon week feels like an initiation into something new.

Don’t you ever feel that?

It wasn’t an easy week for me, but surprisingly, it was a very progressive one.

I received the most painful treatment yet to crack open my frozen shoulder.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure whether it would help or simply make things worse.

Instead, I got better.

So I learned something.

Sometimes healing doesn’t look like resting. Sometimes healing looks like pushing through.

As my shoulder was forced open, I began training my mind as well.

Instead of sitting with pain in the foreground of my attention, I practiced letting it remain in the background while continuing to build what matters.

That was the week I finally gave birth to my subscriber page for Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn.

It wasn’t an easy job.
Every part of me wanted to hold back.
But I didn’t listen to that voice.

I made it.

And now I’m sharing it with you.

Once you subscribe, you’ll be able to enjoy the free Explorer Episodes.

Many of you may remember the very first version I wrote during the COVID lockdown.

It feels like yesterday.

Without you by my side, that first draft might never have found the courage to meet the world.

It was much simpler back then.
Now it carries a new life.
It is richer.
More cinematic.
More emotional.

I hope you’ll enjoy this new version.
For the first time, I can honestly say:

I’ve crossed the line from writing only for myself to letting my story live in the world.
Honestly, I’m excited...

...and terrified.

I have no idea what awaits me.
But one thing is certain.
No matter what happens
I will never abandon myself.
Or my dream.

Not ever again.

One last thing...

This week I was shocked to hear that Hlun Solo, a Thai travel filmmaker and creator whose work I admired, passed away.

He came from very little and built a life that inspired so many people through his travels and storytelling.
It all feels far too soon.
Honestly, I’m still trying to take it in.
I simply wanted to acknowledge his passing and send him my love.
Wherever your next journey takes you, Hlun, may it be filled with peace.
Thank you for the stories you left behind.

With love

Lalita Janette

Dear my readers, my family and friends,

I’ve been looking forward to writing to you.

How are you all doing?

This week I decided to give it a go and share Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn with my weekly writing group I recently joined.

The feedback was fantastic, and I can feel they are all looking forward to hearing the next reading next week.

I just had to smile inside.

They have not seen the best part yet—the cinematic musical version with full narration and music.

I think they’ll be jaw-dropped, but I’m keeping that version exclusively for my subscribers.

I’m very proud and happy about this story and can’t wait to share it with the world.

However, setting up the paid subscriber page has been another challenge, especially because I’m currently dealing with physical pain in my left shoulder.

Doctors told me I have a frozen shoulder.

They said it’s quite common in women, and there is still no scientific explanation for why it happens. There also isn’t a clear cure.

Some people recover on their own, but it can take one or even two years.

To be honest, I’ve been feeling really down.

When I’m dealing with physical pain, it drains my emotional energy. I struggle to focus, especially when I’m trying to work on things that require a lot of brain power, like building my paid subscription page.

But not all of it has been bad.

This pain has shown me how unbalanced my life had become.

My mind had taken over.

I would forget my body.

Forget to rest.

Forget to even go to the toilet.

I hadn’t exercised for so long that my body began losing those little muscles.

As my body screamed in pain, I realized I had to stop living only in my head and return to my body.

I signed up for a wellness membership.

Yoga.

Pilates.

Swimming.

Jacuzzi.

You name it.

Every day now revolves around caring for my body.

I truly believe this pain is calling me toward a deeper transformation.

I feel emotional just writing this.

Part of me is tired of learning through pain.

Another part of me can’t wait to see the brighter days ahead.

I’ll keep my optimism.

And for now, this is where I’ll end this week’s letter because my Pilates class is about to start.

See you next week.

I hope I’ll have another good story to share with you.

Love,

Lalita Janette

Hi friends,

I hope you are all doing amazingly. It has been a while since you heard from me.

Over the past months, I have been quietly trying to figure out where I am heading. Slowly, something is becoming clearer.

Alongside everything else, I have been developing a cinematic musical novel called Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn — a story about a young woman searching for love, facing betrayal, and walking unknowingly through the same path her mother once walked. Beneath everything is a little girl still searching for the answer to one painful question: why did her mother leave?

I created a separate newsletter dedicated to this project, so if you are curious, you are welcome to follow that journey there.

Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn - A Cinematic Musical Novel

Experience a new way of storytelling that turns story, music, and motion into emotion — Good Girls Cry, Bad Girls Mourn

By Lalita Janette

For this space, I wanted to create something different: a small weekly journal of my own journey. Imagine us sitting together as old friends, sharing what happened during the week, what has been on my mind, and what I have been discovering along the way. I feel like this little corner is starting to take shape — and I like it.

Occasionally, I will also share article on Medium.

So let’s begin where I left off.

Many of you may already know, but let me remind you: I am now living in Cyprus. My husband and I moved here from Andorra seven months ago.

Since then, my life has been a journey of searching for belonging.

I thought I would find my new tribe here — people who would make me feel at home, understood, and accepted. But instead, I kept finding walls in front of me.

And if all of that wasn’t enough, we lost our cat.

He came with us from Andorra to Cyprus, and only a few months later, he was hit by a car.

I was devastated.

He was the most loving, gentle cat I have ever known. The kind who would quietly curl up beside you and somehow make everything feel a little lighter. I cried what felt like a river of tears, and there hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t missed him.

And strangely enough, through the grief, the disappointments, and all those walls I kept running into, I slowly found my way back to myself.

One of the deepest wounds that kept returning was my longing for my mother — something I thought I had worked through, but perhaps something I will continue to carry in different forms throughout my life.

Something inside me finally realized that the little girl within me had been holding onto the hope that she would one day find her mother in someone she met along the way.

After many deep conversations with myself and what felt like endless waves of grief, we finally came to an agreement: to stop searching for her in everyone else and pour that energy into creating my animated video, Are You My Mommy?—the story of a fully grown woman wandering through life, mistaking everyone she meets for her mother.

Something shifted after creating it. The desperate need to find my tribe outside myself slowly began transforming into a quiet curiosity about what life might bring instead.

And because of that, I found a local writing community where I could connect with people simply as people.

For the first time in a long time, I did not mistake them for my mother.

And that opened a completely different kind of connection—one with far less expectation and much more freedom.

The very first piece of writing I shared with them was about how I ended up finding them: Be Slut, Belong Everywhere.

It was inspired by a lesson I learned from my tantric community. A “slut” doesn’t expect one man—or one person—to fulfill every need she has. She receives what each person genuinely has the capacity to offer. She knows what she wants, and she isn’t afraid to ask for it.

Instead of expecting one friend, one partner, one community, or one place to become everything, I allow ourselves to receive different kinds of love, support, and connection from different people.

That will be my mantra from now on. 😉

Lastly, I want to thank each and every one of you for being part of my tribe.

Writing this letter to you feels like coming home.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped thinking of this newsletter as just an email list. I started thinking of it as a place where I can sit down with old friends and share a little piece of my week.

Thank you for being here. It truly means more than you know.

Until next week,

With love,
Lalita Janette