2023: A Challenging Battle Within... Phew, I Didn't Die!
Yet Stronger than Ever
Happy New Year, my friends and family! 2024 has arrived, and I couldn't help but feel incredibly excited for the upcoming year. I'm already sensing positive vibes, and I believe great things are in store for all of us. Perhaps this optimism stems from my recent recovery from COVID-19, and the return to good health has been a significant cause for celebration.
Now, let me share a recap of the past year. I recognize that this isn't the first time I've expressed these sentiments, but I hope it will be the last.
It proved to me that the past year was the most challenging year of my life, as some of you who joined me on this journey are well aware. I encountered the toughest mental challenges, prompted by my exploration of psychedelic medicine. I warn you not to put anything in your mouth if you don’t know it well.
It served as a profound teacher, guiding me into the depths of repressed negative emotions and the darkness within the darkness.
I confronted the harsh reality that resided deep within myself. I chose to embrace it. I gathered every broken piece of myself, accepting them as they were.
While I acknowledge that this summary is somewhat vague, I am unable to fully express the depth of my experiences in just a few words. The complete story will be revealed soon in the form of my first English novel, currently in progress (25% completion).
The challenging teacher provided a remarkable lesson for which I am now grateful. It transformed me and left a lasting impact that my mind is still catching up with.
Physically, I lost weight, not intentionally. I looked and felt much younger. I am now at the lowest weight as an adult I have ever been.
I gained a connection to my body and awareness in many ways. My body took the lead and told my head to relax.
I could feel what happened inside of me—the flow of energy—and sometimes, I even saw it move in my stomach as if I had a baby kicking my belly. It freaked me out, and I still have to wrap my head around it.
Awareness around food was one of the strong aspects that I have never had this much before. I am aware of how each food makes me feel. My body would react and not compromise.
My body rejected sugar. After a piece of cake, I would have to spend a day and night in misery. I could no longer drink coffee without being super hyper, but I don’t need it anymore. I have so much energy, and I don’t feel sleepy. I missed the taste and aroma of coffee throughout. One glass of wine is enough for a week.
I admit that I grieved through the loss of all the experiences I used to enjoy, but eventually, I understood all the great work my body and its creator put hard effort into all of this.
As I gained so much energy, I discovered a lot of depth in my emotions—both the good and the so-called "bad" ones. This alone transformed the style of my writing. And yes, I always wished to enjoy writing without expecting it to provide something else, like money or recognition. Now I do.
What an incredible feeling to find joy in those small moments of sitting with myself and expressing them in words. To me, this is the most rewarding and successful accomplishment, beyond anything that could manifest in the physical world.
With the change within, the external also transformed. My relationship with my husband strengthened. He has been my rock during this crazy time. We have been through it all together, and I can confidently say that without him, I could not do what I do and overcome the challenges that were in my way.
The relationship with God has transformed. He is no longer something I call out to; the yearning and longing have ended. He lives in me. I am Him, even if I might not feel that way all the time. Nothing could change or separate the living God in me.
My body taught me how to set my boundaries and speak what I need to say. It didn't let me suppress anything anymore. It awoke to claim its place after all these years when I nearly walked by head.
Now, my heart led, my body followed, and my mind was still confused, but that was okay. It needs time to align them all together.
I sold my home in Bangkok and ended the chapter of suffering and guilt around my family members. At least it ended in my energetic field. I released myself from the social expectations and poured all my love and attention back into myself. I learned the great lesson of putting myself before any whole darn thing in the world, and that feels so good.
This was my last year! Watch me closely with all these changes within; see what my outside world will be for me this year.
I see myself celebrating a big success by the end of this new year. You are welcome to join me on my journey. I would love to have you.
Love
Lalita Janette