The high price wisdom from the Business class
The clouds outside the window of my business seat reflect the tears on my face. My lover sits one seat in front of me. We don’t sit together and we don’t speak to each other.
I should have seen that bad sign when he booked our flight with separate seat assignments. Why didn’t he take that connected two empty seats on the first row?
A week ago, we were looking for a flight from Busan (South Korea) to Bali (Indonesia). We were lucky to find a great deal in Business Class from Busan to Jakarta (Indonesia) with a stopover in Narita, Japan. We were not wealthy enough to always choose this lifestyle but the deal was so tempted that we decided to indulge.
Even though our seats would not be next to each other on the second route. Furthermore, we had to book another route separately from Jakarta to Bali. If that wasn’t enough to deter us, we also would have to sleep overnight in the Jakarta airport? In total, the trip would hypothetically take over twenty-four hours instead of just thirteen hours to finally land in our final destination, Bali.
As foolish as it seems now looking back, we took it anyway. It was not perfect, but it was a BUSINESS class. A special time we were looking forward to.
We woke up at four AM to catch the flight. I was really tired as I didn’t have a good sleep. I had a nightmare about missing the trip or having airplane complications. I always have anxiety on a traveling day.
The drowsiness could not outweigh my excitement of a new luxury experience. We shared a wonderful first connection from Busan to Narita. We sat next to each other hold hand in hand while swearing with an ambition to work our way to keep up with this exciting, lavish lifestyle.
It was a great, short route with such “Wow” hospitality. I had a short great nap with my 180 degrees reclining seat that left me no body aches. I thought to myself:
Money can buy happiness!
Arriving at Narita with eight hours stopover, we rushed out to have a quick visit to the Naritasan Shinshoji Temple, not far from the airport. It was an incredibly beautiful mixture of nature and Japanese art.
However, the bad night sleep and low energy started to kick in as we were walking on the trail. I had a hard time keeping up with the footsteps of my beloved boyfriend. Eventually, he was out of my sight and I felt abandoned. I attempted to walk faster, even started jogging to catch up. I was succeeding but I failed to keep up for very long. Again, he soon disappeared and I felt abandoned.
Subconsciously, I know he did not purposefully abandon me, but my fatigued body was unable to keep down my irrational thoughts. The wound urged to show up and whispered the deepest pain inside. I suppressed it back like the active ‘calm’ volcano was ready to explode.
Back at Narita airport, the volcano inside me was getting nearer eruption. I repeatedly, forcefully asked my boyfriend to slow down. The single annoyed look he shot back at me was as effective as lighting a matchstick in leaking gas. At the point of no return, the volcano of emotion erupted and the suppressed lava flowed out of me. Every living life was destroyed, leaving only an abandoned unloveable woman to survive. After the eruption, silence took over in its place — communication was cut off.
I spent an hour in the lounge drinking glass after glass ALONE, playing the negative beliefs over and over in my head like a series of aftershocks one after one. I was devastated. He didn’t love me enough. We were too different, perhaps it was an end of our trip and I was ready to head back home in my mind.
The BUSINESS class seat we had sacrificed convenience for, was now being occupied by a crying shell of the lady (me).
“Excuse me, sir” The voice of a young and pretty Japanese air hostess brings me back to the present moment. “May I offer you a menu?”
I nod my head and put on the fake smile trying to hide the pain inside. I open the menu that shows a variety of both drinks and foods to choose from. Each menu is accompanied by a biography of the well-known chef. Each wine is selected by a special wine expert. It is the definition of romantic fine dining in the sky.
The greatness of the service amplifies how lonely I am. I feel much worse than ever. At that moment, I realize…
Money can’t buy happiness.
It can only amplify or diminish the emotion inside.
Happiness is internal work. The words I hear often, but never allow to sink in, now are penetrating my heart. The tears are welling in the corner of my eyes and I feel deep pain.
Above all, I feel gratitude for the wisdom, even as it comes with a high price. I do not want to end up at the end of the line with this emotion. I climb too high and I never know how to get down. I start to see how I exaggerated the situation. I don’t know what to do, so I cry and I pray.
“God, Thank You for the wisdom You give to me. I promise that every day in my life, I will do great work to help people to realize that happiness comes from within. Money is a blessing, but not a goal. Please open my heart and my eyes, guide me the way you want for me. May You help and heal our relationship. I hand it to you. Whatever it is, I surrender.”
I feel a wave of compassion washing over me. The soft light energy caresses my face gently and then dries my tears. I hold myself and feel the love. The wound deep inside my heart is a work between God and me. God alone can heal me. It is not the responsibility of my partner or anyone else. I am worthy because of God’s love. I feel calm and I am at peace.
At that moment, my partner hands me a piece of paper. I open it up to see the long note. Suddenly, the tension between us has eased. I see the imagination stairway to climb down the volcano of emotion that had recently erupted. I feel the pain and compassion toward the wounds we both carry. I let go of ego and reply in the same note, then send it back to him.
“I hear you. I feel you. I feel lonely. The great place, the great food, the wonderful luxury flight, nothing matters when there is no one to share it with. I do not wish it to turn out this way. I want to do better.”
A few minutes later, he stands up and walks over to my seat. Standing next to me, he apprehensively caresses my face. He bends down, holds me tight and gently kisses my lips as tears of love welled in my eyes.
“Excuse me, Miss?” He calls to the air hostess for attention. “May we move to the empty seats at the front?” He points out the two empty connected seats I had stared longingly at before.
“Yes Sir,” she replies, “but I need to inform you that the entertainment screen on the left seat is broken.”
Now, I understand why these two seats were blocked out from reservation.
“Thank you so much,” he replies. “I will take that left, broken seat.”
He looks at me and smiles gently.
“Would you like to sit next to me?” He asks. I thank God and reply with a smile on my face.