Can You Bless the Person Who Hurt You? I’ve Never Thought I Would
Hallucination during the Hindu festival led me to an answer
Wild Love Holy Island, The Series
Hallucination during the Hindu festival led me to an answer
In the midst of the heartache, freshly got abandoned by the loved one, I sent the man who hurt me a blessing.
I had a million reasons to hate him, and curse him that he would never find love again but unconditional love was a choice I made.
I chose love. Love him for all he is and love him for what he has done to me.
I am not a Mother Teresa and not born with that wisdom equipped for a hard time like this but one miraculous event transmitted a deep truth within me.
I got a hallucination during a spiritual Hindu festival called Maha Shivaratri and I promised I was not on drugs I wasn’t even planning to be there.
When I heard that Maha Shivaratri was to happen that night, it went from one of my ears to another and dissolved into nothingness.
Maha Shivaratri is the biggest and most significant event for Hinduism. On this day, people meditate, chant mantras, and sing all night long to celebrate God or Shiva.
It was a big thing for many but was not for me. I was Buddhism.
Even though I was so curious about God but meditation was not my thing and I would not last till the morning.
Whatever my opinion was, the plan was already there by great force and who was I to resist?
That night I was supposed to move into a new bungalow. I packed my bag and went straight to see a young local lady who promised me a place to stay.
Her face turned red with guilty when she saw me. She apologized because the room she promised was no longer available.
As much as I felt disappointed I got a hint that God’s plan for me was to be there at the Maha Shivaratri ceremony all night long. Otherwise, why would He take away my accommodation?
I was not convinced but after several attempts to find a place to sleep failed I surrender to God’s plan.
I got myself clean at the beach shower, then managed to put my white dress on in the tiny dirty beach toilet without getting any dirt. That must be God’s grace.
The time had come. I heard a very low deep voice chanting a mantra along with mystical music from the ceremony space.
The same yoga hall I have been to before became enchanted by fairy lights, different kinds of fabrics, candles, and flowers. The smell of incense got me confused between heaven and earth.
A woman in a sexy red dress with red lace covering her face guided me the way. I followed her beautiful sexy body walking and dancing like a wave and sat on one of the cushions on the floor among many others.
After a while, the space filled with hundreds of people, all wearing white.
“She is the representative of Shakti or you may say, Goddess, the feminine energy.” The old man next to me whom I didn’t notice explained.
I looked at him for the first time and saw rather a strange tattoo on his wrist. It looked like the number 3 but not exactly.
Every magical moment that had happened before seemed to be ordinary when one young good looking man came in. He had a beautiful white aura surrounding him like an angel in flesh. I noticed that strange tattoo on the back of his neck.
“What is that tattoo about?” I pointed at the old man’s wrist and asked.
He pulled his white slip and showed the tattoo clearly and said.
“It’s called OM, the symbol of ultimate reality, the Universe as a whole. At the dawn of creation, Om was the first syllable to emerge from the emptiness. The 3-shaped imagery of Om is also representative, The three worlds: Earth, ether, and atmosphere, The three aspects of time: Past, present, and future, The three holy trinity, for creating, upkeeping, and destroying, and Three different states of consciousness: The waking state, the dreaming state, and the deep sleep state. Shortly it means God.”
I was not sure if I could understand everything the old man explained but when I looked at that young man again, I felt something strong for him. The same feeling of falling into love, when I first met my ex. The bitterness of thinking of how hurt he left me arose.
That young man began to take a photo of the scene with the camera hanging around his neck. As he moved around my eyes were followed. I didn’t feel like myself as if some external force put me in the spell of love. Wired enough I was still heartbroken.
All of the sudden, the music stopped and the place filled with silence. The entrance door was opened once again with the big sound of a drum followed by the motivating mystic warrior music.
The six-strong men in their topless showing their big muscles walked in and tabbed a fighting stick on the ground making a loud formidable sound. They were guarding something significant.
After them, there were another 8 men who dress up in different unusually sacred costumes.
“That is the 8 aspects of Gods or Shivas.” The old man whispered.
Even if there was no explanation of whom they represented, The look and energy they transmitted demonstrated clearly someone holy, The music was arousing all sensations and put all attention into these men who represent Shiva of the night.
Follow by a big sharp drum and suddenly the room turned silent and nothing moved. I held my breath unconsciously.
“Pashupati, the good Shepherd Shiva.” The facilitator explained.
One of the Shiva archetypes who was dressed in long sleeves in neutral with the warm white piece of fabric put over his head and a long sturdy stick with a hook at one end stood up. He was a shepherd
“Pashupati, the deity of compassion and infinite grace.” explained by the facilitator.
The music, of the birds, infused with the wind, and water, the woman sang in a language my mind didn’t understand but my heart sang along.
The man in the Pashupati archetype walked calmly in his imagination field. He looked around with his eyes shining with love and compassion. When his eyes touched mine, I became one with Him and as if He was calling, I run toward Him in my imagination. I was the sheep myself. He was my shepherd.
Then everything became quiet for a brief moment before a soft guitar played.
A woman sang a song with only a few lyrics in another language. She repeated that same lyric over and over again so that eventually everyone in the room could sing along.
Women in red danced around. Some burned candles and incense and paid respect to the Pashupati.
Everyone followed the nonverbal guidance including me. I lit the candle and incense, placed them in front of Pashupati, and bowed down in front of Him.
When I raised my head up, I saw a woman dancing like a candle flame. I didn’t mean to stare at her but her beauty took my self-control away.
She was sweet, delicate, and elegant. Her skin was fine like a pearl. Her beauty triggered jealousy and insecurity inside me.
That young cameraman also spotted her beauty and he took photos of her, many photos.
I saw a vision of them dancing and kissing each other. That vision only happened so vividly in my head and uncontrollably hurt me. I cried.
The night went on, following each Shiva’s performance, meditation, and singing.
By the end of the night, I was so exhausted from my raised emotions and hardly force myself to be awake.
I sat down on the floor leaning against the wall, closed my eyes, and cried.
At that point, I doubt was what God’s plan for me to be there. Many people left. They must be sleeping on their comfy bed by now.
Some people were still singing and dancing with their full hearts toward Shiva which made me feel ashamed of myself.
I took my last courage and stood up even though my body and soul were in desperate need to rest.
I put my hand up to the sky, closed my eyes, and prayed internally.
“Teach me your way of love, love without the pain.”
I sang my soul out and cried from every inch of whatever I had as if that was the only last chance I could cry for help.
The tears were running down my face like a waterfall. Then I felt the tremendous force from above flowing to my chest unstoppable.
The teardrop of a waterfall on my face turned into a broken damn. My whole body choked up and down running out of air.
“Unconditional love” I heard the voice loudly in my heart.
“What is that unconditional love?” I asked internally.
“As what you are doing now. You prise love to me whom you rather know, not care how tired your body is. Unconditional love is a choice you made without reason the mind could understand.”
“But I don’t have a choice. He left.” I replied internally.
“Then choose only one choice you have. Choose that one damn thing in front of you. This kind of love won’t hurt but lift your soul.”
I opened my eyes, wrap my tear up, and saw that cameraman smiled at me with pure love, a circle of humans form around us, holding each other hands, in a circle, looking into each other eyes of love and singing the same love song over and over again until the sun raised.
The ceremony started with over a hundred until only a few people left. We made it to the end unconditionally.
We hugged each other for saying goodbye. No, words need here we all experience the tremendous love from above.
I walked to the beach watching the horizon line feeling so awake. I sent love to my ex who left me.
The bandage of pain the grip on my heart was loosened and love flowed freely from above through my heart to wherever he goes.
I loved and accepted his decision. Love will continue to cherish his path even though that path did not include me.
That very same day I picked up my luggage and returned to where I came from. I came alone but went back with God by my side. Love is always with me.
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The Documentary of Sacred Sexuality Romances on Spiritual Island Wild Love Holy Island, The Series.
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