The reflection on a unique year we are all in (2020 and 2021)
What a unique time we are all in! I can’t miss the chance to reflect on it. These two last years were not filled with roses for many people including me. Looking back, I am glad it happened the way it did.
Starting the New year of 2020 in style in a luxury hotel facing the Sydney harbor, toasting a glass of Champagne when the firework sparkled all over the sky announcing the new year begun, my fiancé, Charlie, and I gave a kiss to each other and whispered a Happy New Year without knowing what would lie ahead of us.
The glimpse of a year unlike any other was already there when we flew over from Australia to a small exotic pacific island and country named Vanuatu. The immigration was hesitating to let me in as I hold a Thai passport.
Why? As we all know, the pandemic which is now an issue for every country around the world once started in China and spread its power to my motherland, Thailand. Even though it was still an insignificant number at the time, Vanuatu’s immigration was hesitating to let me in. I was glad they did at the end.
As we wandered in the mystic land, Vanuatu, and learned many new things, we wished to continue our plan of traveling around the world but life had something else for us, for all of us.
After just a month we entered that tiny country, this new virus has traveled further everywhere around the world. Who would have thought that?
We rushed back to Australia and arrived just a few hours before the border was closed to catch one of the last flights back to Thailand. We made it just on time before Thailand’s border was closed right behind.
We then waited and waited and waited for the situation to be better but it did not.
Finally, we came to accept that the world would not be the same and life must go on. With fear in my heart and a tear on my face, I had to let Charlie go back to France alone. I wish I could join him, but that was not possible. France had shut down its border and only allowed its residents and citizens to enter.
Life has pushed us to be apart without knowing when to meet again. The media screamed out bad news and successfully scared us. Our mind was running negative and playing the “what-if” game. What if the border would not open in a year or two or more? What if the virus got one of us when we were apart? What if? And what if?
As if life wanted to teach us how to live without knowing the future and trust, that was not an easy path to learn.
Charlie was back in France dealing with the administration and lots of paperwork following the loss of his mom, his last family member. Busy on the surface, grieving underneath.
At the same moment, a childhood trauma I run away from arriving at the surface. My sister and I had a very serious argument, and we have not spoken ever since. I was in pain and felt miserable. Only later I could understand that it needed to be that way.
I am thankful it happened. I transformed through pain, and I am happy with who I am, even though the situation with my family doesn't seem to improve. I reclaimed myself and stopped being responsible for everyone’s happiness but mine.
Therefore I wrote an article
“How I Stop Being Guilty and Live Free From My Dysfunctional Family”
Where I expressed what happened and how I overcame it.
And as if I had learned my lesson in my country, France finally opened its border to the outside world. I reunited with Charlie, my love again.
I arrived in a hundred-year-old family house sited on a 5-acres land in a rural area of France. It was beautiful, like a dream of being a princess living in the old castle had come true.
That was just what my life looked like on the surface. There was a mixing of feeling and energy we were dealing with, the grief of losing someone you love, a mandated work to keep up an old house alive. As if it was not enough, the winter was right around the corner followed by a new series of lockdowns.
Apart from Charlie, I barely met anyone that year. But the isolation and silence had their purpose. I learned to notice and distinguish a voice in my head. I was able to identify the thoughts of others. Soon later I realized the voices in my head were not even mine. They spoke fear and hate in silence and took me out of faith but God’s voice cast those nasty thoughts away. The choice was mine, who shall I listen to?
Not only did I get a glimpse of what was the voice in my head, but living in this old house made me find a passion for writing in Thai my mother language. I finished the first book of my novel. I am so holy happy, and I continue writing the second book.
I also wrote another mini-series, "Things in the 100 years old house in France," to recall an unforgettable memory of a place that has been the beginning and the end of many stories.
At the moment, this mini-series is only available in Thai.
Each day, apart from sitting quietly and writing, there were a million tasks to be done, apart from dealing with overwhelming emotions accumulated overtime in each and every item from many generations.
The oldest evidence of people living in this house was a hand drawing a picture of a woman who, I believe, was once living there. Under the picture was the name Falloux and the year 1889. She must be the grand grandmother of Charlie.
We cleaned up everything, felt the joy, the pain, the sorrow, and every emotion which was hidden in each and every item.
We brought back the antic artworks left abandoned in the attics, hung them on the walls, and redecorated the house to glorify an old time. When it was done, the healing was taken process through every tear and sweat of our hard work.
The house was sold miraculously during lockdowns. One sunny day in the middle of winter, the mimosa tree bloomed its yellow flower all over, infusing our garden with a smell of a new beginning.
We opened the door for a lovely couple to visit. They felt an immediate connection to the house in the same way as we felt connected to them. The process went simply, easy and smooth.
A house that once belonged to us was handed to a new owner whom we believe deserves its charm and undoubtedly will continue to love and cherish this home.
A chapter of living in a country house was closed. We moved not just to a new house but to a new country. We left France for good and chose Andorra as our new roots.
The idea of leaving France for Charlie was clear since he was a teenager. After his mom passed away, there were no strings attached to keep us in France any longer. He has been traveling for a long time and discovered new places to move to and Andorra was the winner of all at this time and with our life circumstances.
Once we were in Andorra, I felt our life grounded and safe. This country offers its charm through beautiful nature, one of the purest air and water. Not only it has a very impressive nature, but the system is also friendly and a very rare gem of the place that is proud to say there is no violence in Andorra. This is one of the decisions that we felt was so right.
Oh yes! We bought an apartment, our first apartment. Even though it was not a home for us to live in yet, I felt even more grounded to have secured our money in a great investment.
What an exciting year for a new start, we also got engaged! In a beautiful place full of memory, La Gavina hotel.
I used to dream of this day to come. However, it became less and less important to me what our social status would be, because I feel secure in our relationship, with the love and connection we grew for each other. I feel so loved and cherished by a very charming, respected, generous man. There would be not enough words to express how I feel about Charlie and our relationship. I wish nothing more.
I love to share with you a reaction when we shared our engagement news with my dad.
Despite how complicated and restricted it has been to travel around this time, we still made it to South Africa last year for the New Year Celebration and Greece and a few trips to Spain.
Now that I am sitting comfortably writing a year's reflection in Turkey, I could not be more grateful that traveling is still possible for us and to still be amazed by the wonders of the world.
But what I am most proud of about myself is to have overcome my fear of being judged and put myself in the online world by starting a Youtube! Lita Jane. You are welcome to connect with me by subscribing and ringing that bell for upcoming videos.
Well! This has been an interesting time that fills with everything possible be…
The new year has begun, I don’t know what to wish for. Many things I wished for last year did not happen while many wonderful things I was not expecting did happen!
The world is not the same but we are in this together. Whatever will be for this year, I do not know. But everything will be okay.