I Hated My Husband’s Honest Comment
Knowing the difference between healthy and brutal honesty before saying the next word
Love & Relationship Journey
Knowing the difference between healthy and brutal honesty before saying the next word
My husband is a lovely man, with a kind heart and high integrity. I love him from the bottom of my heart till I way back and forth to the moon but that does not mean our relationship does not have challenges.
One morning, I showed him the dresses I just bought. His first reaction was.
“It looks cheap.” followed by “What brand it is?”
It was an inexpensive brand and I got it at a discount, so he was right, and that hit me.
I showed him a second dress and then he said.
“It looked like a factory uniform.”
I insisted that it looked better when I wore them so I put the first dress on and showed him.
His facial expression was even worst. At that point, I got triggered and reacted if he ever has anything good to say.
He said.
“I don’t hate it.” Believe me, that was his best effort.
Follow by,
“I am being honest.”
I didn’t try the second dress for him and gave him the silent treatment in return.
I sat in another corner of the room and felt unloved, disconnected, and unappreciated.
I did not want him to lie and say the only thing to please me either. I was confused about whether I should work on myself to accept his honesty or if I should have something to say.
I went on google. Google knows everything. I searched randomly by typing randomly keywords there.
Look what I found. I am not alone and I guess other also were once in the same situation where we doubt ourselves even when we are the ones who felt hurt.
One of the comments I found very helpful was suggesting that honesty was a great quality. It built trust between each other.
That is true. If my husband gave me only positive feedback. I would be unsure if he really mean what he said.
Honesty was not the issue here. I am not here to be pleased like a little kid. But something about how he said it hurt me.
If he shared his negative opinion with more compassion and instead of labeling things with the word like cheap, factory I would not get triggered.
For example,
He could say,
“It does not look high quality.” instead of “It looks cheap.”
and if he said,
“He does not like the design.” instead of “It looks like a factory uniform.”
That would be ok with me and our communication level will be improved.
So, I went down the rabbit hole and find out how we could improve our communication and stay honest.
Then I found the key words, the difference between healthy and Brutal honesty. (from Know Someone Who Always ‘Tells It Like It Is’? Here’s When Brutal Honesty May Be a Relationship Red Flag)
Healthy honesty is being open with each other without judgment, which helps build trust over time. Your partner should care about your feelings and be able to empathize with you, healthy honesty includes offering constructive criticism and using positive, encouraging, or uplifting language to help you get out of a negative situation.
Brutal honesty, on the other hand, lacks compassion. It could come off as aggressive and is said with the sole intention of hurting another person.
I was sure my husband did not intend to hurt me but the way he expressed his honest opinion was a lack of compassion and not considering my feeling.
To be honest, I think I did that sometimes unconsciously giving brutal honesty to him. The difference is my husband was an emotionally secure person, he did not take it personally.
I, in another hand, need his validation.
A few min later,
My husband came to me and said, he doesn’t feel good. I replied, me neither and we began to discuss.
One thing I love in our relationship is the willingness to work it out together. We are not perfect humans and we made mistakes all the time.
We may have a bad time, conflict and our egos may raise from time to time but we always work on it together.
His ability to listen and hear what I wanted was gold. Our communication is better and I feel more connected with him than before.
I spoke to him about how I felt and what I expected to hear from him. He agreed that he was not considered. He thanked me for pointing it out and he would try better next time.
Later, I tried on the second dress for him and he said he actually like it and it look great on me, still, he didn’t like the first one and that was fine with me to still keep it anyway.
Guess what? Who helps me edit this article?
HaHaHa … my husband, I love you.
If you like this article, you may like my list, the “Love & Relationship Journey” collection. I shared my personal experience hoping it may reflect someone’s life in a time of need.
Love & Relationship Journeys
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