Week 15 • Nov 2, 2026
Dear friends,
I don’t know if you noticed, but I haven’t sent an update for a week. And yes, that’s because I’ve been confused, chasing so many lost dreams.
Being part of the musical production of Beauty and the Beast has brought up so much in me.
Rehearsing with people of all ages, especially the younger ones, has made me fall into grief over the years I feel I’ve lost. I keep wondering what I might have become if I had started earlier.
It’s a question no one can ever answer.
I’ve found myself chasing the dream of being on stage, while also thinking that everyone else seems to have started so much earlier and is already so much better than me.
If you know that feeling, please say something to me. Don’t let me feel as though I’m all alone in this.
Perhaps the hardest part is getting caught up in someone else’s dream while still clinging to an old dream of your own.
Do I want to sing, dance, act or write?
Choosing one thing sometimes feels like having to leave everything else behind. And that’s the painful part.
But being in this place of confusion has also given me a chance to grieve the dream I once had and perhaps finally let go of it.
The dream of being on stage, singing, performing and acting.
It doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy doing those things anymore. It doesn’t mean I have to walk away from theatre. It simply means I want to stop pressuring myself to become something, or to be great at it.
And strangely, by letting go of that pressure, my current dream has become clearer.
I love creating stories, music and videos.
I’ve been pouring all my frustration into a song, What Was I Made For?, and experimenting with new tools in Higgsfield. It’s been great fun!
I also created another music video combining Claude and Higgsfield. I even managed to edit parts of the video by asking Claude to work with CapCut.
It’s about my adult self going back to rescue my inner child from the school that taught her to become a good girl.
Yes, that’s me. I grew up in a Catholic girls’ school where I was taught to be nice, well-behaved and a good girl.
I sometimes think about how that little girl was shaped by all those expectations, and how that invisible cage stayed with me for years to come.
So I made a music video about going back for her to give her the rescue she never had.
And I have to say, seeing this story come to life through music and video feels incredibly powerful.
That ability is crazy!
I know I can’t go back in time and recover the years I’ve lost. But in this imaginative world, made possible by AI, I can travel back to any time and create almost anything, as far as my imagination can take me.
I can explore the stories I never got to live, create the music I want to hear, and bring images to life that once existed only in my head.
And somehow, that makes the world feel much bigger again.
Maybe I haven’t figured out every dream I ever had. But lately, I feel my path becoming clearer.
Love,
Lalita Janette ❤️